I don’t want to go
It’s been a while since I blogged.
I just need to get this off my head. I don’t want to leave and work overseas! I don’t want to leave my friends behind, my boyfriend, my mom and sister. T^T
I want to stay here. It may be hard earning money here but at least I get to be with my loved ones. I believe in challenging myself, and I know that grabbing the opportunity overseas would be a great chance to actually put my abilities to the test. I may be ready technically speaking, or in terms of being prepared to be trained and actually do the job. But, emotionally speaking, I don’t think I’m prepared to be living away from the people close to my heart, from the people whom I gather strength and inspiration from. I don’t know if I can be strong, I know I’ll survive but it scares me a lot that I’ll lose you just because we would lose communication… or you would lose interest in me?… or you’d feel weak and can’t seem to take any more of the distance between us?… or the things we can’t do because we’re far away from each other?… all these questions constantly bother me.
We have to be strong. If we want to make it, we will. I know we can.
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IKAW NA!
ikaw na ang magaliiiing. nakakabv! XD
hindi ko naman kasi tinanong. di ko rin ginustong makita mo un, pero anong gagawin ko nakita mo na, pinamuka mo pa. ikaw na talaga magaling. HAHA. IKAW NA!
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woke up from a very good dream
… and i want to go back to sleep so badly. XD
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stumbled upon
while browsing some of my friends’ tumblr accounts i read in one of the posts: the easiest way to lose something… is to want it too badly
it left me thinking for a minute or so. the idea keeps on recurring in my head. gah. is it true? the mere thought scares me. what if i do want you too badly now, what should i do?! i don’t want to lose you! X.x
this piece of advice i stumbled upon did not help as it agitated me more, adding up to the anxiety and insecurity i’m currently getting fed up with.
what to do? words are just words and they seem not to work to reassure me of anything. i hate thinking too much and feeling like this. it’s not healthy.
more so, one unhealthy, guilty and somewhat pleasurable act i’ve recently done is stalking. and it lead me to no good. sometimes, its just best not to know anything.
lesson learned: do not revisit old blogs. T.T
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i finally said it
it took me two months. haha. 
there’s still one more hurdle to pass and, it will take me a longer time and a lot more courage to do so. wish me luck.
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can’t think straight
i scare myself when i think i’m better left alone sometimes.
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